Akatsuki Days
by x0xNavi chanx0x
Summary: Lots of thing go on in the Akatsuki and plenty of them are odd and funny. Now with 20 percent more Tobi. :D
1. Tobi's Birthday

A/N:D Hallo. This is my first Akatsuki fic, so please rate. :3 Each chapter is a different story. x3 And it's supposed to be comical. Mostly revolving around Tobi and Deidara I might say, though. :D But there will definitely be other characters in it.

"Today is Tobi's birthday, Senpai!"

"I know Tobi, yeah."

Tobi happily flailed his arms.

The two Akatsuki members sat in the lounge, side by side at the small bar Hidan had made while he was going through his 'Carpentry' phase.

Tobi spun around in his seat drinking warm milk, while Deidara quietly sipped his Sake.

"Tobi made a list of things he wanted."

Deidara sighed. "You know you're probably just going to get one little thing, right Tobi? You're a grown man, you don't need to act so Childish, yeah."

Tobi shrugged. "Here, Tobi shall read the list to you!"

Deidara sighed. "No, Tobi, I don't need to hear the l-"

"A magical pony, a faerie, rainbows, a choo-choo train, a teddybear, and a Puppy."

---

Somewhere else in the world, a pink haired girl sneezed as Tobi said 'Puppy.  
"...Someones talking about me!" She said brightly.  
---

Deidara sighed once more.  
"Good luck with that, yeah." he said.

Tobi stood up. "Tobi is going to go find Itachi-san."

"Un." Was all Deidara said in reply.

After Tobi left, there was un awkward silence.

But the silence was ended when Hidan screamed: "DAMN IT TO HELL, KISAME, YOU ALLWAYS WIN!"

Deidara turned to see Hidan and Kisame playing some sort of racing game on the Gamecube.

Kisame chuckled.

"Damn fish stick! You cheated!"

"Did not!"

"Did to!"

Deidara left the room before losing his sanity completely.

---

When Tobi found Itacbi, he was holed up in his room playing a gameboy.

"Itachi-san?"

"Itachi-san? Tobi is here!" Tobi announced.

"Quiet. I'm facing a gym leader. No time to talk." Itachi said, not taking his eyes off the gameboy.

"Itachi-san, Tobi wishes to tell you what he wants for his birthday."

"NO! PIDGEOTO FAINTED!"

Itachi began to hyperventilate and began pressing the buttons on the gameboy wildly.

Tobi stared in fear and slowly stepped out of the room, slightly scarred for life.

No wonder Itachi-san is going blind! Tobi thought.

----

Tobi walked along the hall, and stopped when he noticed Konan walking by.

"Konan-chan!" He said merrily.

"Hm? Oh hi Tobi. Today's your...birthday, right?" she said, stopping to face Tobi.

Pein watched the two from a distance.

"YESITIS." Tobi yelled merrily.

"Tobi doesn't have any presents yet, though."

"Ah, yes. Well, here's my present to you." Konan said, giving a small smile.

She pulled out a peice of oragami paper, and folded it.

After she was done, it looked like Tobi waving his hand in the air.

Tobi squealed merrily. "Thank you Konan-chan! Tobi loves it!"

The blue haired girl smiled.

Pein walked closer, trying to be unnoticed.

Tobi turned to see Pein. "Hello Leader-sama!"

Konan frowned. "Pein, where you stalking me again?" She said slightly irritated.

"Nooo...if you mean following you around and watching everything you do, then nope. Just...walking." He said, brushing past the two.

Konan sighed. "Wait up," she muttered, jogging after Pein.

Tobi blinked in confusion.

---

Later that night, Tobi and the other Akatsuki sat around a large table.

"As you all know, it's Tobi's birthday today." Pein stated.

There were several grunts.

"Those who have presents, give them to him now."

Zetsu handed Tobi a venus flytrap.

Hidan gave him a peice of paper that said: Happy Fricking Birthday

Kakuzu gave him a wallet. "So you can keep your money safe."

Itachi was still playing Pokemon on his gameboy, twitching an muttering to Himself in a high-pitched voice.

Kisame merely stared at him. "...I kinda forgot."

Pein gave Tobi a penny, since it was shiny.

And Deidara gave him a clay unicorn.

"I just want you to know I died a little bit on the inside making this for you, yeah." Deidara muttered.

Tobi grinned. "Thank you, Senpai and others!"

The 'others' grunted, escept for Konan, who just shrugged.

"Tobi is going to go play with his horsie now." Tobi announced, skipping off.

(( x3 Well, yeah. That's the first story. Please rate and review:D )) 


	2. Lounge Insanity

Itachi sat watching the T.V, not moving, eyes wide open.  
Dora The Explorer was on at the moment. After the episode ended, Itachi chuckled and said. "Ah, Dora-chan! You still amaze me with your wits and cunning! That evil Swiper will never get you or your treasures! Hohohoho!" He said to himself.

Konan sat at the nearby bar and twitched. Itachi's comments lately had completely freaked her out. Several of them were:

"SWIPER NO SWIPING"  
"ROFLCOPTER"  
and,  
"PIKA-CHUUUUU."

She got up and slowly left the room, slightly scared.

----

Deidara brushed past Konan as she left the room.  
"Oi, Itachi"  
"Hm?" Itachi said, still staring at the T.V.  
"My stories are gonna be on in a sec. It's my turn on the T.V., yeah." He said.

"But I have to know what happens to Dora and Boots!" Itachi said sadly.  
Deidara sighed. "They blow up. Go play Pokeman or something.

"It's PokeMON." Itachi snapped, leaving the room.

---

Deidara sat watching his 'stories' with wide eyes.  
"Clarice, no! HE'LL LEAVE YOU AGAIN." He cried.

Just as Deidara said this, Konan had re-entered the lounge-room. She twitched and sighed.  
"At least he's better than Itachi..."

---

About fifteen minutes passed, and Tobi kicked the door open.  
Konan looked over.  
"Hi Tobi-kun"  
"HIHI KONAN-CHAN. HI DEIDARA-SENPAI"  
"Un."

Tobi sat next to Konan.  
"Konan-chan! Tobi drew you a picture because he was bored."

Konan raised an eyebrow.  
She took the picture Tobi handed her and stared at it in horror.

"Look Konan-chan! It's you!" Tobi exclaimed.

There was a black and red blob with some blue thing poking out at the top. There was a giant red mouth on the blue thing.

The drawing was worse than that of a six year old's.  
Konan twitched.  
"Thank you...Tobi..."

"Hai! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi exclaimed.  
"...Uh- go show Leader-sama." Konan said, slightly shocked and attempting to recover from the picture.

"Hai!" Tobi said, sprinting from the room.

Konan sighed.  
"I think I may throw up..." she muttered.

x3 Lawl. This was just a random one about the craziness that goes on in the lounge room. :D Please review! 


	3. Tobi's Mistake

**AN:// WARNING. WARNING.**

**OO Maaaaajor Harry Potter Book seven spoilers. It lists, like, EVERYONE WHO DIES.**

**:D So don't read it if you don't want it ruined. **

Deidara sat in the lounge, flipping through the 7th Harry Potter book, The Deathly Hallows.  
He was on the 8th chapter, and loving it.

Especially the part where Hedwig exploded. ( D8 POOR OWL. )  
He remembered giggling to himself girlishly.

Now as he was wrapping up the 8th chapter, Tobi poked his head in the room.  
"SEMPAI"  
"Hn"  
Tobi leapt next his Sempai and sat next to him.

"Watcha dooooin'?" Tobi asked, swinging his legs back and forth.  
"Reading, yeah."

"Watcha reeeeading"  
"Harry Potter, yeah. Go away, Tobi- I'm at a good part."

"BUT BUT BUT SMEPAIII. Tobi has read the book!"

Deidara's eyes widened. "Oh God. No Tobi, DON'T-"

"Have you gotten to the part where Snape dies?! OHOHOH! Or where Dobby dies? OR LUPIN? Or Tonks? Oh- or Fred? I liked Fred, he was my favouritest! I can't beleive Harry Dies and comes back somehow! And he was a Horcrux, too! ( :D I think that's what they're called, right? o-o ) And Ron and Hermione have kids! By the way, Sempai, how are babies bor-"

Deidara slammed the book shut.  
"No, Tobi. I haven't gotten to those parts yet." Deidara said, one eye twitching.  
"Tobi, hold still.

"Why, Sempai?" Tobi asked, oblivious to the fact that he'd ruined the 7th Harry Potter book for his poor Sempai.

"Bacause, I need to find a bat to hit you with, yeah"  
Deidara stood up and left the room.

Tobi spent that night cowering in fear of the bat-weilding Deidara.


	4. The Tobi

Tobi stared at the lounge T.V. fixated.  
It was Two o' clock in the morning, but he wasn't tired- not one bit.

He sighed, annoyed, when an informercial came on.

"...The Tobi! It can get rid of wrinkles on any outfit!"

Tobi lowered the remote. "Tobi is on T.V.?" He said.

"That's right, folks! The Tobi! Just go like this, here...and there you have it! The wrinkles are all gone!"

Tobi quickly dropped his remote.  
"Tobi shall get rid of the wrinkles on Sempai's clothes!" He announced, sprinting from the lounge to Deidara's room.

----------------------

Deidara awoke to an odd noise in his closet.

He picked up a bat next to his bed, got up, and slowly crept towards the closet.

"IF YOU'RE THE BOOGEYMAN, PREPARE TO DIE, UN." He yelled.

"Semmmpaiiii!" Came a voice from the closet.

"...Tobi!? TOBI?! What the hell, Tobi!" Deidara said, opening the door.

On the ground was Tobi, rolling back and forth on Deidara's clothes.  
"Look, Sempai! Tobi is making your clothes wrinkle-free!"

"Tobi!!!!" Deidara angrily yelled, flailing his bat.

After a few minutes, Tobi was banished from the room.

Unfortunately, Tobi had only made Deidara's clothes more wrinkled.

(( :D Okay. You may think I'm on crack for making this, but I'm not.  
I woke up REALLY late the other night and saw an infomercial advertising a real product called: "The Tobi."

xDDD;; After seeing that, I just HAD to make this. )) 


	5. Phyliss the Ponytail

Deidara lay flat on the couch in the lounge, staring at the ceiling.

He was thinking over his little 'problem'. It had begun to annoy him so.

And this 'problem' of Deidara's, you ask?

Well. It's the fact he looks like a woman. Almost exactly like one.

He had thought over ways to defeat this problem. But each one came to a dead end.

Grow a beard? ...No, he'd be too ugly.

Become a social reject and just not talk to anyone? ...No, Tobi would follow him.

He sighed in defeat. "There's just no way!" He snapped.

Konan sat at the bar drinking some apple juice. ( :D APPLE JUIIIICE. )

"What do you mean by that?" She asked, turning to him.

"I look like a girl, un. And I can't stand it. Pein thought I was a woman when I first met him, yeah." (( ..' That would've been funny to see. ))

Konan stifled a laughter. "Oh- uh...why don't you cut off your ponytail or someth-"

"NO!!!" Deidara yelled, a look of horror on his face. He began to hyperventilate.

"Not Phyliss! WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOO MUCH TOGETHER!" He yelled.

Deidara sprinted from the room, petting his ponytail.

Konan sat there, completely baffled.

"...Did I say something wrong?"

:D Haha. x3 Sorry if this chapter sucks, but it was 10:00 in the morning, and I was bored. D: 


	6. Akatsuki Christmas

Hidan stared at the large Christmas tree stuffed into the Akatsuki lounge and nodded with satisfaction. "Jashin-sama is pleased!" It was Christmas Eve, and Hidan had insisted that the Akatsuki place a tree into the lounge. He threatened to take away Itachi's gameboy, which would cause a series of chain reactions involving Kisame, Peanut butter, and your grandmas dog. Trust me, you don't want to ask anymore about that.

Pein sighed. "Happy now, Hidan?" Hidan nodded. "Yes, if Jashin-sama is pleased, I am pleased." He stated, his hands on his hips as he gazed at the tree.

Tobi sat under the tree, attempting to put the last of the tinsel on it.  
"Tobi got you all presents!" He called happily.  
Pein twitched. "I swaer Tobi, if it's another one of your drawings, I'm going to kill you"  
Tobi nodded. "Yes, Leader-sama. Last time you saw my art you screamed like a little school girl." He replied.

Pein twitched yet again as Hidan snickered. The two left the room, leaving Tobi all alone with the Lounge, a boxful of Christmas Items, and the IQ of a lamp.

Tobi rubbed his hands together. "Time to get to work!" He said.

-----------------------------------

-5 hours later-

-----------------------------------

Pein and Hidan re-entered the lounge only to stop and gape in horror.

There were candy-canes hanging on the tinsel that was surrounding the walls. The tree was drowned in lights and ornaments. Cheap plastic Santa-Clauses were stationed all over, with reindeer surrounding each one.

Tobi's arm was sticking out of a pile of garland. "HELLLP!" He called.

Pein reached down and pulled the poor man out. "What the HELL did you do to my lounge!?" Pein yelled.

"YOUR lounge?" Hidan questioned.

"Erm- OUR lounge!?" Pein corrected himself.

"Tobi made it prettyful!" Tobi replied, clapping his hands.

Pein twitched. "How...festive of you, Tobi."

Hidan smirked. "Looks like our Christmas is going to be a bit happier this year." He muttered.

Pein sighed. "Unfortunately, yes." ----------------

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, SENPAI" Tobi screeched, thrusting a package at Deidara.  
It was Christmas morning now. Deidara was the last to Recieve Tobi's gifts, since Tobi was saving 'The best for last.  
Everyone else had gotten drawings of themselves, despite Pein's warning not to draw- but they weren't as bad as before.

Deidara looked at the crudely wrapped package and finally began to open it slowly, as if a rabid jaguar would leap from it any second, ripping off his face.

After finally pulling away the last of the packaging, Deidara saw a picture of him and Tobi beating Sasuke with a spiky bat.

Deidara couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks Tobi, yeah. I like it"  
Tobi flailed his arms.  
"TOBIISGLADYOULIKEITSENPAI." He yelled.

"But why didn't Santa come? Tobi has been a good boy!" Tobi said sadly.

"Because Santa doesn't like the color orange." Pein said simply, coming up with something from the top of his head.

Tobi blinked. "Oh...Tobi will take off his mask then!"

Tobi took off his mask, but a giant blur of censorship was were his face was.

"Awww! I wanted to see his face!" Konan said.

Tobi waggled his finger.  
"NO ONE CAN SEE TOBIS FACE."

And with that, Tobi put on his Santa-repelant mask flailed his arms ad he began to scream out what was supposed to be a Christmas carol.

AN/  
:D Haha, sorry that chapter was kind of crap. x3 It's just my X-mas present to mah reviewers. o3o By the way- :D Thanks oodles caboodles to my reviewers. You guys are so nice. :D I never really thought I was that funny, but my ego is completely giant now. Anyway, thanks guys. 

o3o Lolz. REVIEW PLZ. D: OR I MAY DISINTIGRATE.

:D and happy holidays!

And one last thing...  
Is it just me, or is the fact that Santa watches you sleep just slightly disturbing? OxO;; 


	7. Pein's Private Moment

**AN:// I dun own Naruto. DD: If I did, Ino would be dead and Sasuke would be a hobo. :3**

Pein sat in his room, a smile on his lips.

Every single member of the Akatsuki was out- including Konan.

Kisame and Itachi where going to Seaworld.  
Deidara was sent to find Tobi after 'Accidentaly' losing him in a distant and unfamiliar continent in search of Jinchuuriki.  
Hidan and Kakuzu where going to assist Deidara to make sure he didn't 'lose' Tobi again.  
Zetsu was...God knows where.  
Konan was at the store.  
And Sasori was DEAD.

Pein scratched his chin.  
Yes...now was the time.  
He stood up, and walked over to his stereo.  
Placing a CD in, he turned the volume up to full blast.

'Everytime We Touch' started to play.  
Pein sang along.  
"I STILL HEAR YOUR VOICE WHEN YOU SLEEP NEXT TO MEEEE! I STILL FEEL YOUR TOUCH IN MYYY DREEEEAAAAAMS! FORGIVE ME MY WEAKNESS, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY-- WITHOUT YOU-- WITHOUT YOU-- III'LLL DIEEE!  
'COUSE EVERYTIME WE TOUCH, I GET THIS FEELINNNG"  
Pein continued singing the song, along with odd dance moves.

While he was doing his twirl, he stopped.

There in the doorway stood the Akatsuki.  
Deidara had dragged Tobi in a headlock back to the base apparently, with Hidan and Kakuzu standing there.  
Zetsu's head was coming up from the floor.  
Konan was just holding Grocery bags.  
Kisame was wearing a Touristy outfit and sunglasses while his hand slowly came up over his mouth.  
Itachi gave Pein a blankstare.

There was an awkward Silence.  
And as we all know, everytime there is an awkward silence, a gay baby is born.

Pein coughed.  
"Well...did you all...complete your missions?"  
Konan twitched.

"LEADER-SAMA DANCES LIKE A GIRL!"  
"Jashin-sama, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!?"  
"If you danced like that on a sidewalk, maybe they'd throw money..."  
"THAT WAS SICK AND WRONG, UN."  
"KISAME, I'VE GONE BLIND! IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED!"  
"I think I've gone blind too!"  
"YOU HOMO."  
"Thank God I'm already dead."

Pein sighed as his coworkers, alive and dead, all sprinted from the room in disgust.

Pein ran a hand through his hair.  
"...At least I'm still pretty-looking." He mumbled.

**AN:// xDD Lawlz, hope you liked the newets chapter. :3 Sorry for the long wait in updating. Been busy.**

**:3 Please Review!**


	8. Tobi's Cooking

**AN:// DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Akatsuki. DD:**

Tobi stood over the stove, staring at it expectantly. He was alone in the kitchen, spatula in hand and a frying pan in the other.  
It was his first time attempting to cook for the Akatsuki, and poor Tobi was utterly clueless.

He turned the stove on, and set the pan down on it.  
"...Now what?" He said to himself.  
He snapped his fingers. "Oooh, I know! Now to put it all together."  
Tobi skipped to a random cabinet and tossed everything out of it.  
First he took off his sock and set it on the pan. Then he grabbed eggs, olives, and many other odd foods in his arms and dumped them on the frying pan.  
"Tobi is a master chef!" He said merrily.

------------Later That Night----------------------

The Akatsuki sat around the dinner table, all shifting uneasily in their seats. Hidan was praying and Deidara kept muttering to himself.  
Tobi kicked open the door. "Dinner is served!" He screeched, plopping down a plate with a cover over it.  
He yanked the cover off of the plate, only to get horrified gasps from the others.

Sitting on the table was some purple blob. A shoe stuck out of part of it, and a tentacle from another.  
A golf club was also lodged on top of the blob.  
"Eat up!" Tobi said, plopping portions of the massive blob onto everyone's plate.

One of Deidara's hand-mouths threw up.  
"You can't expect me to eat that!" Deidara yelled, scooting his chair away from the table.  
"Beggars can't be choosers." Pein said calmly.  
Hidan grabbed a fork. "For Jashin-sama!" He yelled, scooping up a bit of the blob and shoving it into his mouth.  
The Akatsuki watched in fascinated silence.  
Hidan gulped down the food.He was silent for a moment.  
"Well...?" Kakuzu asked. Hidan tipped over.  
Kakuzu stared at him.  
"Nice job, Tobi. You killed Hidan."

Hidan pulled himself back up.  
"Wait, nope, he's alive again." Kakuzu said with a hint of sadness in his tone.  
Hidan coughed up a lightbulb.  
"What the hell did you put in this thing!?" He hissed.  
Tobi shrugged.  
Konan slowly lifted a sock from the blob.She dropped it.  
"Tobi, you're not allowed to cook anymore." Pein said.  
"But"  
"No"  
"Awwww!" Tobi sighed and sadly shuffled out of the room.  
"Deidara, order Pizza. And Itachi, this time, don't kill the pizza man, please." Pein said.

**AN/  
DDD: Sorry again for the suckiness and lack of updating. 83 I just finished Science Fair, so I'll be updating a ton more, hopefully. :D**

**:/ I was bored when I did this. x3; Yeah...8DDDDDD Please review. :D**


	9. Balding

**The Akatsuki do not belong to me. D':**

Pein sat in front of his mirror, grinning widely at his reflection.  
"Who's that smexy Akatsuki leader?"  
He pointed at the mirror. "_YOU_ are!" He said, picking up a bottle of hair gel. Pein poured the bottle's contents onto his hand and plopped it on his hair, mixing it around slowly and humming to himself.  
"KOONAAAAAN!" He yelled.

"Mmmn?" His blue-haired partner replied, her arms crossed.  
"Where's my brush?" Pein asked in a sing-songy voice.  
"...Right next to you, Pein." Konan said, a hint of humor in her voice. _Was Pein going senile or something?_ She though. Pein grumbled and grabbed it, combing the sides of his hair.  
His wonderful, wonderful orange hair. How he loved it. When he wasn't busy, Pein would spend hours combing his hair.  
And then the comb reached the top of his head, and as it went across the middle, Pein froze.  
...Less hair? No. No. It was a mistake. It had to be.

...He'd better check. Just in case.  
"KONAN!" Pein snapped, getting his partner's attention with his aggrivated tone.  
"Yes, sir?" Konan asked, straightening and coming to his side instantly.  
"...Check the top of my head. Am I..." The fearsome leader gulped, and the next words pained him: "...'Thinning'"? He asked. Konan chuckled, looking at the top of his head.  
"Ahahaha! I highly doubt that you're-"  
Konan took a step back.  
"How bad is it!?" Pein wailed.  
Konan paused. "...It's not that b-"

"NOOOOO!" Pein screamed. The leader of the Akatsuki, the cruel cold-hearted man who never seemed to have matching socks and made children shake with fear and babies cry, screamed his poor, balding head off. His hands slapped on his cheeks **(( "CHEEKS" AS IN ON HIS FACE, PEOPLE. GOODNESS. ))** and screamed like a little girl.  
Konan clasped her hands over her ears and winced. "It's-- not that-- bad!" She tried to say over the high-pitched screaming.  
The other Akatsuki members rushed to the room, all staring at their leader.  
When Pein finally stopped screaming, he curled into a ball and began to roll back and forth, crying and sobbing. He muttered to himself over and over.

Konan took a step away from her mentally unstable, and, now, balding partner.

"What's up with Boss, un?" Deidara asked, pointing a thumb at Pein.  
"He's balding." Konan asked.  
The Akatsuki gasped in unison.  
"NOWAY!"  
"OMG."  
"HOLY SH-"  
"SHUT. UP."  
"...What does 'balding' mean...?"  
Where among the responses.  
Konan waited for the excitement to subside before she continued. "It seems as though we have a predicament." She muttered, turning to her crying leader.  
The Akatsuki where now left for few options.  
After a short meeting between the non-crying members, they all agreed to one thing-

Pein was going to need a wig.

--

**eue TO BE CONTINUED**

**Heeehee. :c I apoligize for my lack of updating. ee Writer's block is evil.  
8D Please review!**

**PART TWO COMING SOON. C: **


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